We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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