Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
