The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
