He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
