Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
