If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
