you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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