So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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