Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize