He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
