wrigley field is MILF paradise
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
