I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
