I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
