how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
