that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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