You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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