i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize