We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
