There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
