the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my poor anus
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
