I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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