I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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