was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
