I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
