Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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