all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
