Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize