I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
