After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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