you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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