did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
