i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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