Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
