how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
