I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
