like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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