No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
