so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
