Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
