oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
