Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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