I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Randomize
