I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
