No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
