If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's rum buckets o'clock
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
