Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
