Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
