You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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