Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
