So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
