I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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