Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
