i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
