and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize