I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
