god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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