He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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