Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
