so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
