I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
