how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
