people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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