Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
