Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
