There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
