I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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