But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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