btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
