matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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