Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
