Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
